I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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