If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
