So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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