It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
