kristin has been a bad kristin
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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