dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you would pick up someone in the library
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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