I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My legs feel like baby dolphins
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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