You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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