is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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