You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
