i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
