he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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