Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
