Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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