I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
