Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
