Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You left your phone here
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