She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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