This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
