I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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