Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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