I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
