Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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