when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Randomize
