Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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