We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
