Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
