The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
