it was like having sex with a tree stump
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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