Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
