Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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