Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Randomize
