There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Acid is not a monday night drug
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
