So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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