Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
