Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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