remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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