WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
