paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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