My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
