mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
