oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
