Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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