Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
