I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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