Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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