i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
