why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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