i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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