I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
