did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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