I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
