Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
