There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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