I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Congratulations! We have a period
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