The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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