i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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