She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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