I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
