I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
