Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
