i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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