I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
