you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
