What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
