how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
