She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
