Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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