so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
