I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
