You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
