Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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