good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
