how can u be prego again
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
