Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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