He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
