Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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