Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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