you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
